Blame the Boys (Again)

Here below a Catholic woman is suggesting a fix for “trad” (i.e. hardcore, Latin-Mass Catholic) young men so they stop being socially awkward and therefore worthy of marriage and reproduction. The responses are worth perusing.


I’ve long been acquainted with trad circles and can confirm their young people can be awkward, but this complaint about the terminal unsexiness of devout young men also comes up among vernacular-Mass Catholics and also among Evangelical Christians. The young women are plentiful, beautiful, charming and devout, the young men are scarce and semi-autistic shlubs at best, porn fiends at worst.

It can’t be an accurate description of the realities on the ground because, as the blogger Dalrock observed, the people making these complaints, soon-to-be-old-maids and middle-aged married men, act as if the opposite were true. They claim that the husband market is a sellers market, but then act as if it is a buyers market: they are passive and nitpicking. If it were truly a sellers market they would be aggressive and tolerant of flaws in non-essential areas. They say good men are scarce but behave as if they are abundant.

My personal theory is that this is deflection, that no one wants to contemplate the truth that the difficulty devout young people have finding partners is a side effect of demographic collapse. (Admittedly, I am a hammer and the demographic collapse of the Church is my nail.) It is much easier on the psyche to think devout young people of either sex are plentiful and all it takes is a little bullying and name-calling for the boys to shape up. We dare not bully the girls, that would be unpleasant.

The bullying is not meant to help, it is meant to deflect and to make the old maids and boomers feel good about themselves. Unsurprisingly, the boys are not responding to the bullying but are increasingly bitter and discouraged, at least the ones on social media. The more bitter their reaction to being called semi-autistic porn fiends who are hopelessly unworthy of a woman’s caress the more it is taken as proof that “there is something wrong with our boys.”

If my theory about demographic collapse is true, we should start imitating the Orthodox Jews – people who have no illusions about their demographic position. If they were objective, Christian parents would be hiring matchmakers, enlisting friends and relatives in the search, and pushing their children to marry young and realistically. Since the survival of the group is at stake, they would not care about awkwardness or even wealth – most Orthodox are poor, and have you ever met a more awkward man than an Orthodox Jew? Yet he manages to be the patriarch of a large and, to all external appearances, happy family.

But we prefer out illusions.




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